Alaska Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Peg Roston Law Firm : Property Division, Net Worth, Division of Assets : Anchorage, Alaska

When people who are married or living together have children, their religion, family traditions, personal parenting philosophies, and other factors guide them in making decisions about how to raise their children.

But when parents divorce or end their relationship, they become subject to the child custody laws of this state. Child custody includes both legal custody and physical custody.

Legal custody is the authority to make decisions on non-emergency medical care, religion, education, and emancipation. Parents can have joint legal custody or one parent can have sole legal custody.

Physical custody involves the amount of time the children will spend with each parent. Parents can share physical custody of the children. Alternatively, one parent can have primary physical custody in which case the other parent who is referred to as the "non-custodial parent"  has visitation with the children. 

Each parent has an independent relationship with the children and is entitled to enjoy that relationship without interference by the other parent. Generally speaking, this means that even the non-custodial parent is in charge of the day-to-day routine and activities in the home when the children are spending time with that parent.

If you are facing the challenges of divorce or ending a relationship, you can elect to attempt to negotiate child custody with the other parent. If the two of you together or with the help of attorney or other professional cannot agree on child custody, then the only alternative is to let a superior court judge decide child custody for you. No matter which road you choose to take, you may want to consider these factors: (1) the importance of having both parents involved in the lives of their children; (2) the importance of shielding children from conflict between parents; and (3) the importance of creating a post-divorce environment, which allows children to focus on their emotional and development needs without the disruption of ongoing custody battles.

You would be wise to consult an Alaskan attorney who can educate you about the factors a judge must consider in deciding contested child custody cases and who can advise you if you have concerns about substance abuse, domestic violence or mental health issues.

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In my last post I offered some steps parents could take to prevent their children from feeling caught in the middle of a divorce. In response to this post, I received a comment from Steven, who raised several insightful issues:

 In response to my suggestion that parents should not “grill” their children, Steven commented:

Doesn't this vary depending on the circumstances?  If there is a good chance of abuse at the other parent's home, having the kid discuss it directly with the other parent may not work well.

Steven is absolutely correct on this point.  If your child tells you the other parent has been physically abusive, you should contact your attorney immediately if you have an attorney.  Otherwise, you should contact The Alaska Network On Domestic Violence And Sexual Assault, which has resources for victims of domestic violence.  Your number one priority should be the safety of your child.

In response to my suggestion that parents should not show children copies of the divorce paperwork, Steven commented:

It seems that the age of the child is also important.  What is the reasoning behind not showing the children the divorce paperwork?  This is probably the most important document affecting the kids' lives and they can't see it? Even if they are 15? 

If parents are fighting over the custody of their children, there may be psychological evaluations, affidavits, or a custody investigator’s report to the court about the placement of the children.  Affidavits, which are drafted by attorneys, frequently contain stinging barbs and accusations.  Psychological evaluations and custody reports may include sensitive information about parents, which if revealed could damage the parent-child relationship.  Finally, in a contested custody case, one of the factors the court must consider is the preference of the child.  To have a parent go through court documents with a child who has expressed a preference to a psychologist or custody investigator to live with the other parent creates a stressful and potentially emotionally damaging situation for the child.

Even if the parents are only fighting about property, the court documents may still reflect ongoing hostility between the parents.  Showing children these court documents does nothing to further the emotional well being of the children.

Finally, parents may have reached an agreement on the division of their property, the custody of the children and child support.  It is certainly reasonable to create a calendar, which shows the custody schedule so that parents and children can plan their activities.  But the actual court documents usually address not only the custody schedule but also the parties’ financial agreements, including how the parents are going to share uncovered medical expenses and how child support is going to be calculated.  The decision to share information about the parents’ financial obligations to each other should be made jointly by the parties.  If one parent unilaterally decides to share this information with the children, that parent may have an agenda, which has nothing to do with the children’s best interests.

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A divorce will have a direct impact on your children’s emotional health and well-being even after the decree has been signed and you and your ex-spouse have moved on with your lives. Here are a few steps you can take to prevent your children from feeling caught in the middle of the divorce.

• Do not use the children to deliver messages to the other parent.
  
• If you pay child support, do not give your child support check to one of your children to deliver to the other parent.
  
• Do not discuss how much support you are paying or receiving with your children.
  
• Do not grill the children for information about what is going on in the other parent’s home. Your children may want to talk about their life at the other parent’s home. If they initiate a conversation about the other parent, it is best to listen thoughtfully. If they bring up an issue they are having at the other home, suggest they discuss the issue directly with the other parent.
  
• Do not show the children copies of divorce paperwork or discuss the case with them even if the case is over.
  
• Do not do make comments to the children, which suggest they are not safe at the other parent’s home. If there has been domestic violence in the family, you should disclose this to your attorney at the beginning of the case.
  
• Do not attempt to influence the children’s preference by offering them incentives such as cell phones if they come to live at your house. In short, do not offer bribes to your children.
  
• Do not disparage the other parent to your children. Disparagement can be overt. It can also be quite subtle. For example, disparagement can take the form of negative body language or facial expressions while you are talking on the phone to the other parent even if the content of your conversation is neutral.
   

If you follow these suggestions, you will be making an important contribution to your children’s long-term emotional health and self-esteem:

Remember that children who have strong loving relationships with both their mother and father grow up the healthiest. Absent some very unusual facts, every parent has the responsibility to help their children to have positive feelings about both their mother and father. Your child’s emotional development needs to be priority number one.

Robert L. Mues, Father’s Day Reflections, Including Freud and Tongue Biting, The Ohio Family Law Blog June 15, 2008.

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 During a marriage, spouses manage their finances and raise their children according to their personal values and family traditions. Unless one or both of them decide to end the marriage, it is unlikely that they will become familiar with Alaska divorce law. But if you are reading this post, you are probably interesting in learning about the legal framework, which guides a family lawyer in representing divorce clients. 

A divorce case can be divided into property, custody and support issues.  This post offers some general information about the division of property in a divorce case.  The process of dividing property in a divorce case is referred to as "equitable distribution."  Under Alaska law all property and debts spouses acquired during marriage are subject to being divided between them when they divorce. In the case of property, it does not matter how it is titled or whether only one spouse’s earnings were used to purchase the property. If the property was acquired while the spouses were married and before they permanently separated, it is subject to being divided when they divorce. Similarly, if a debt was acquired while the spouses were married, the balance of the debt at the time the spouses permanently separate will be included in the list of property and liabilities, which have to be allocated between the spouses.  There are a couple of exceptions to this general rule including property acquired by gift or inheritance. But depending on how the spouses handled this property during the marriage, the “immunity” generally afforded property acquired by gift or inheritance may be lost. If you have gifted or inherited property, you should be sure to discuss this property with your divorce attorney. 

If you are interested in paths to divorce other than the traditional civil divorce lawsuit, you may want to visit the South Carolina Family Law Blog's post about on-line videos, which have short presentations about the changing landscape of divorce.

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